Spasm

1. SPASM accurately/comically describes your personality just by knowing your name.

2. It analyses the romantic compatibility of any two people.

3. If you’re parenting (or thinking about taking the plunge) it will list some ideal children’s names based on both parent’s names.

4. SPASM can show you those people who, respectively, you should consider either kissing-only, marrying or avoiding completely.

It’s weird, we know that, and apart from being hilarious, this is a serious project and the descriptions herein tend to be uncannily accurate. As far as we can tell this has never been done before.

Have you ever met a Bruce who was an innocent knucklehead? Do you imagine Marco waxing his body more than a man called Bob? Do you think Sky sunbakes in the nude more than a woman called Janet?

Why is that?

Like a tiny piece of personalised music, each of us has a name that, like all sounds, evokes a small and subconscious reaction from those we meet. And it’s this reaction, over the years, which gently trickles down and influences who we become.

The Four Functions of SPASM:

1. What does that name mean?

Scroll through nearly 6000 names (as in, the name a person is usually called, including nicknames) and discover their personality, be it metaphorical or actual!

- Sometimes the descriptions are a little cryptic, often outrageous, but they’re almost always accurate, not to mention highly entertaining!

- Ideal at parties, large family dinners, training sessions, waiting rooms, an icebreaker on a date - you name it!

2. Romantic Compatibility

It’s pretty complicated, as are the algorithms we used to do this, but enter any two names into the search bars, ensuring you nominate their correct genders (SPASM is old-fashioned, and we only carry men and women), and then read about their Couple Compatibility, as well as their Sexual Compatibility.

- See why past relationships were the way they were, and get a glimpse into how things might go in the future! It makes for fascinating reading, which is both enlightening and humorous!

3. Your best bub names?

Pregnant? Got no idea what to call the child? We can help.

Simply enter the names of both parents into the search bars, ensuring you nominate their correct genders, then SPASM will list the ideal set of boys or girls’ names for that particular partnership.

- Tapping on each of the names in the list will give you the child’s theoretical personality AS AN ADULT.

4. Kiss, Marry or Avoid

This is where you get to find out who SPASM thinks you should kiss (hook-up with), marry or avoid altogether.

Simply type your name into the main search bar - not forgetting to nominate your own gender using the M/F toggle switch - flick the ‘Interested In’ toggle to either Male or Female also, and SPASM will list those people you’re curious about.

- Tap on a name in the list to discover their personality.

- Tap the right hand down-arrow to read about the romantic compatibility between you.

- Hit the refresh button to get another list instantly.

- Yes, this is probably the weirdest aspect of SPASM, but over hours of testing this is possibly the most intriguing aspect of the entire app.

NOTE:

- Share any results from any of the pages with your friends, family, lovers/enemies!

- If a name is missing from the drop-down list anywhere then we haven’t got it yet.

- We’re trying to make SPASM as useful as possible, so give us a suggestion at spasm.pro!

Apart from being generally hilarious, SPASM has a large footprint in modern psychology and our theories and stories, while funny and utterly curious, are based on real people that you are surrounded by daily.

Pull it out with strangers. Observe their reactions and discover the absurd and completely untold story of how your name influences just about everything.

Good luck, and most importantly, have fun!